An ordinary day with an extraordinary boy

29 Jun

Today started like any other Saturday.

Full of promise… A day of fun planned.

I drew a schedule. Hour by hour, what was to come…. Just as I was advised to do by the Special Needs teacher at the school… To help the big little man visualise the day ahead.

I even had a haircut booked for the first time in 8 months!

The morning went quite smoothly.

For me: a precious few hours of peace in the hairdressers.

For the boy: taekwondo class.

After lunch, a trip to the barbers for the two boys. A first haircut for the littlest and a tidy up for big brother. Both looking so smart. Mummy so proud.

Then some quality mother and son time at the cinema for me and my eldest.

The Minion Movie. Followed by a visit to the Build a Bear Factory to make a minion teddy. He was spoilt. But well behaved, so I didn’t mind rewarding him. My beautiful boy.

Then we got home. And he turned.

Upsetting the baby, trying to hurt him. Teasing him with food. Being rude to daddy, demanding attention. Refusing dinner, making unreasonable demands.

He was sent to the calm down corner for 5 minutes, his behaviour continued. His minion toy was confiscated. His bad behaviour escalated. He was warned that if he didn’t stop his misbehaviour he would be sent to bed. He kicked off.

Daddy took him to bed.

And from then on we were subjected to an hour long tirade. He screamed, shouted, begged to speak to daddy, threw the contents of his bedroom down the stairs. He attempted to come downstairs numerous times. He threw a shoe at my head. He threatened to soil his pants, complained of tummy ache, bit me, and screamed at daddy to come upstairs so he could talk to him. When I asked why, he could give no reason.

In the end I sent daddy out in the car to stop my son screaming for him. Alone, I tried to get him to go to bed whilst protecting my baby from his abuse.

After endless attempts, and repeated aggression towards me I threatened to call the police if he came out of his room once more.

I dialled 999 on the phone and showed it to him.

He gave in.

This is my life. This happens several times a week.

I have sought help and an assessment from multiple sources… GP, Health Visitor, school nurse, the Special Needs teacher, charities. All nod with feigned interest and calmly suggest I attend parenting class and give my son more boundaries.

My son has boundaries. He is fully aware of what they are.

I am consistent.

I apply rules, I write them up where he can see.

I give reward and consequence.

I give him attention, I praise his good points, I do not accept bad behaviour.

But the more consistently we apply discipline, the worse his behaviour becomes. He will stop at nothing to regain control.

My son is not just a naughty boy. I am not just a bad parent.

I am trying so hard to find a way forward but I am tired. I feel alone.

I love my son with everything I have, but sometimes I question how much more I can take.

I am a smart lady. I understand the concept of teaching right from wrong but it’s not enough.

I don’t know where this will end.

With every meltdown I become just a tiny bit broken. But with each new day I have to find new strength. I have to fight for him. For us.

My extraordinary, unique, complex, beautiful boy.


4 Responses to “An ordinary day with an extraordinary boy”

  1. Tara June 30, 2015 at 4:56 am #

    Goodness that sounds tough. I don’t have any advice but wanted to sends hugs. I hope you are able to find the help you need/or more processes that work to be able to enjoy more of the good times.

  2. DoodleSam September 3, 2015 at 1:20 pm #

    That sounds so familiar. I know you’ve learnt tons since you wrote this, but maybe our experience will give you more to think about. I’m sure you know that he was overloaded from all the activities of the day and working so hard to keep it all together while out of the house. When my DS (now 11) was that age he couldn’t cope anything more than cinema and straight home, he would be losing it even as we got in the car, even though he really enjoyed going to the cinema. It’s only in the last year or so that we can tag things on to the cinema, particularly “unpleasant” activities like shops and haircuts. We also discovered that if we touched DS, for example to move him to a calm down area or up to his bedroom that would completely tip him over the edge, even non-touch physical management, such as blocking him from going through a doorway had the same effect (it took us so long to learn this). Now that we no longer touch or corral him, the violent and destructive meltdowns are almost non-existent.

    • ferreroroche123 September 3, 2015 at 8:08 pm #

      Thank you for the information. Any insight into how my son may be thinking and feeling is appreciated. I am learning slowly, but I’m still a long way off being fully educated on what he finds difficult.

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