When things get a little bit rough

26 Feb

So this is my first post in a while. Sorry about that. Slacking. But if I’m honest, life has just been a teensy bit taxing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m used to inhabiting that space. Life with my 5 year old has always bordered on a soap opera, but the last few months have been especially rough in many respects.

My avid followers (if I still have any) will remember my last post, which outlined the struggles my DS1 was having at school with teasing and isolation. It’s fair to say that my biggest little man’s issues in that area rumble on, and despite my repeated efforts to work with the school, arrange play dates and boost his confidence, it all came to an ugly head the night he tried to destroy my house.

The week had begun in a bumpy fashion, with his return from school on the Monday with a graze covering his left cheek, a fat lip, sore tooth and a graze on his right thigh which had somehow occurred despite him wearing school trousers. I was concerned, but he stated that he had fallen playing chase, so I encouraged him to take special care when running, and put it down to experience. The following day, I collected him from childminders after school and, as was customary in monitoring how the schools “buddying” system was working for him, I asked him who he had played with in the playground. He mentioned he had been playing with a particular boy, not his usual buddies, but seemed happy enough, so I asked no further and assumed all was well.

However, once home, a rather benign decision to refuse him a snack 10 minutes before his dinner was ready, sparked a quite terrifyingly angry outburst. At first he shouted and called me rude names, and limped off into the other room to sulk. When that didn’t get his desired outcome he returned to continue the argument, and when I again refused to join in, he threw the DVD remote control across the kitchen until it smashed against the breakfast bar and dropped to the floor.

At this point I told him that I would confiscate the DVD he was waiting to watch as a consequence and went into the living room to remove it from the DVD player. This decision sparked in DS1 a rage that led to a quite horrific and prolonged rampage. I won’t re-iterate the full sequence of events, but it involved him punching me, biting me, upturning the entire contents of the living room (including objects as big as him) and hurling them into the glass double doors, as well as shouting hurtful and insulting comments. Eventually, scared for my youngest son’s safety, I had no choice but to carry him up to his bedroom to calm down and after a period of resistance, he stayed there long enough to fall silent.

When I returned to his room, he was sat, in just his underwear, sulking on the floor. I sat with him, and asked him to explain why he had acted in such a naughty and scary manner when he knew that it wasn’t right. Turning to me, with his eyes tearing up, he said that he was sad because the children in the playground kept forgetting to play with him and he was finding Year 1 too hard. Without going into detail, I raised the issue with his school again and met with a parent support advisor to agree some interventions.

We have the odd breakthrough moment, after 3 weeks of “observing” the Taekwondo class we enrolled him on to boost his confidence, he now participates happily, seeming to thoroughly enjoy some quite brutal and exhausting combat sequences. image He is also just one sticker away from completing his Reward chart after 5 weeks of trying to behave. When he gets that sticker, a very expensive and prized piece of Lego will be his. But we still have some really bad days. We are by no means out of the woods yet. Its going to be a long journey I guess.

Then there is our littlest man. DS2. Fortunately, the 4 month sleep regression passed in a few weeks, but has been followed by numerous new trying “phases”. I stupidly thought that being my second baby I’d be better equipped to handle the hard times, but I’m learning fast that each and every baby is different, and what worked with my first son DOES NOT work at all with this fella.

We’ve had the teething tetchiness (non stop whinging), vaccination aftermath (6 hours of screaming at ear splitting volume), separation anxiety (ever tried to poo with a baby on your lap?), nap refusals, night waking, a new need to be rocked to sleep and now weaning difficulties (fusspot with a major sweet tooth).

I know these things are pretty standard in many a baby, so I’m not claiming any particular hardship, but by god the two of them have kept me busy these past 3 months. Gone is the zen-like attitude I was determined to cling onto second time around and in its place is a slightly weary determination just to survive most days.

Of course it isn’t all bad, for every low there is usually a high… Our littlest tyrant acquires new skills all the time and seeing him and his big bro together is a touching sight, I’m just hoping I’m due a brief calm in the storm before I go bald. image

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4 Responses to “When things get a little bit rough”

  1. Mariet - Practicingnormal February 27, 2015 at 9:02 am #

    I’m so sorry that you and your little man are having a hard time. I know it does not always feel that way, but someday you will wake up and everything will be a little bit better. Small little steps at a time. Sounds to me like you are doing exactly the right thing. Sending positive thoughts your way. #PoCoLo

  2. Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk) February 27, 2015 at 5:02 pm #

    I can already imagine this image. I hope that he will continue to enjoy his taekwondo and it will help solve this dilemma of his. My son is 4-1/2 in school and would sometimes say that no one played with him. My heart bleeds everytime I hear this too. #pocolo

  3. Tarana Khan February 28, 2015 at 7:23 pm #

    Hang in there mommy, and hugs to you! With your eldest, I’m sure if you keep working with the school, things will get better. Sorry to hear that he’s still having a hard time at school. Teething babies are quite challenging too, so I hope he’s past this phase soon x

  4. Victoria Welton March 3, 2015 at 11:00 pm #

    Crikey moses! No wonder you are stressed. You POOR love. It sounds like a nightmare in your house at the moment :S Hang on in there as Tarana says. It is more difficult that you are trying to deal with two things at the same time. Bless you – sending you lots of hugs. Hope it improves soon. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

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