When your child just doesn’t fit in

8 Jan

Ever since I decided to have children, it has always been my biggest fear that they might be bullied or left out at school.

I think every parent is troubled by the thought of their kid stepping across the threshold of the school gates on their own and being left out, teased or worse still, bullied. However, I was particularly concerned with how my first son would manage at school since the day he was excluded from nursery aged 2 for biting another child.

Up until that point he had been an outgoing, sociable boy, who would cuddle and smile at every child. However, when the nursery told me he had to leave because he was biting children, (which it turns out is pretty normal for a 2 year old) it set in my mind an unnatural level of paranoia about his behaviour amongst his peers and since that very day, I have been concerned that he wouldn’t make friends at school.

Well now that time has come.

In preschool he was largely disinterested in other kids. Whilst the other children would gravitate towards him and call for him at drop off, my son was quite happy to play alone. He was determined, impatient and uncompromising, and would rather do as he pleased than sacrifice his own wants for the sake of joining in.

But by the end of preschool he had established a few early friendships and in reception, these developed into strong bonds.

Unfortunately, as he returned from summer break and entered year 1 last September it all started to go wrong.

His very best friend had made a new friend during the holidays and neither were keen to let him join in. But he did try, for a while. Until he had had enough of being physically hurt, at which point he came home and told me what was happening.

My heart heavy for him, I resolved to help him repair some friendships by organising play dates after school. It wasn’t easy with a 2 month old baby, but we needed to rally around our little man so I got busy contacting mums.

I also told his school who agreed to buddy him up at play times.

It worked, or so I thought. Until recently.

Shortly before Christmas my son’s behaviour began to deteriorate. He was misbehaving non stop, spoiling for an argument and lashing out at everything we said.

Turns out he was also displaying signs of distress at school.

When I finally realised something was wrong and asked him, he told me in tears that he had no friends as his usual gang were again teasing him and leaving him out, and now an additional two kids were physically attacking him in the football area. He had taken to playing alone at school because the alternatives were so miserable.

I had noticed the abundance of bruises on his legs recently, and was so concerned I genuinely thought his ITP (platelet disorder) had returned, but now it all made sense. And I’m angry with myself that I didn’t spot it earlier.

But as well as the anger, I’m heart broken that my beautiful, unique, charismatic little boy is being treated like this and I can’t protect him.

Christmas was tough. His behaviour was challenging and his confidence and self esteem was so low. It took a lot of time and effort to get a little sparkle back in those eyes. But we did get it back for a week or so.

Until he returned to school. I felt sick the day he went back. Sick that I couldn’t go in with him and make it better. I’d do anything to fix it for him.

So for now I’m doing my best from the sidelines, but he tells me daily he doesn’t want to go and frankly, I don’t blame him.

I can only hope that in time my efforts to make him some new friends and boost his self esteem and confidence through martial arts, along with lots of cuddles and reassurance at home will see him through this rough patch, because my heart hurts everyday to see him struggle like this.

And I wish that kids would just be kind to each other. Teach your kids to be kind. Because one day it might be them.

Post Comment Love
Advertisements

6 Responses to “When your child just doesn’t fit in”

  1. Kay January 8, 2015 at 10:47 pm #

    I feel so much for you, as you know D was bullied thru juniors, and I had to physically restrain myself and walk away from confronting the little ****s myself, its a truly horrible feeling I know. He, like D, is very bright, unique and therefore not well understood by some of the other kids, I always said school would be great but for other peoples children 😦 Keep doing what you are doing, I hope the school work with you to support you and him, it will get better but I know thats no comfort in the meantime, it will work itself out when the other kids grow up, but keep drumming it into school, that you expect them to be teaching kind behaviour too, even though the little buggers parents should drum that into them as you say, love and hugs to all of you xx

  2. Tara January 9, 2015 at 7:16 am #

    Aww poor little boy. I can’t believe that nursery excluded him. Surely they would need to exclude half the toddlers there! It’s such a shame that school is now miserable for him and there isn’t really much you can do. I really hope it all works out soon.

  3. Xandi | Lattes and Little Ones January 9, 2015 at 10:24 am #

    This brought tears to my eyes. It is truly heartbreaking to to hear about your little boy. Kids can be so cruel. I worry constantly about my children being bullied or left out and playing on their own. All we want is happiness for them. I hope the school is supporting you, it’s hard to know what is really going on when you’re not there, but I would think (or hope) they would be on top of it. Maybe the school can suggest some of the kids who are more friendly so you can arrange play dates? My heart sinks for you, it really does. Just keep doing what you are doing, he needs lots of love and support. These are such important years. Hugs xx

  4. Yvette @ BigTrouble January 9, 2015 at 12:59 pm #

    Oh this is so sad. I really feel for both him and you, and likewise, this is my big fear. Kids can display such cruelty – without meaning to I’m sure – but it must be so terribly hurtful. It sounds like you are doing amazingly to help him establish some friendships and settle back in, and I’m sure this will be a tiny blip to him in a long and happy life. It is just so hard when you are in the middle of it though. Hope things improve very soon x #pocolo

  5. journeyformybaby January 9, 2015 at 5:32 pm #

    This is so very hard. Kids can be so cruel sometimes and for no good reason at all. I hope you are able to boost his self esteem and help him make friends soon. I feel for the little guy. I know that it hurts to be left out.

  6. Victoria Welton January 10, 2015 at 11:00 pm #

    Oh my goodness, this is so sad. I really feel for you and your boy. Is there any way that you can speak to the teachers about the situation? Grace used to get in with the wrong crowds until I encouraged her to start playing with a girl who she used to learned with in class – and now they are great friends. Children can be so cruel. I hope it is sorted soon. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Dinky and Me

I am mum to Dinky who is awesome- she also has been diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder-PDA, ADHD and Sensory integration difficulties

@adadcalledspen

Not a journalist or a writer, just a dad to two amazing children. Oh, and I love cheese.

She Said That, He Said This

There are always two sides to every story. By @Pols80 and @adadcalledspen

LearnerMother

(and other stories)

Misadventures in Babymaking

The Painfully Honest Chronicles of Two Women's Long Road to a Baby Bump

upyoursginaford

treasure EVERY moment? really?

Doodlemum

a day in the life of my sketchbook...

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

%d bloggers like this: