My IVF diary 3: 4-6 weeks pregnant

4 Mar

4 weeks pregnant

The last week has been a bit of a roller coaster of emotions. I was on top of the world from the test result, but since then, everyday I’m just a yo-yo of ups and downs.

I feel so excited and contented to be pregnant again, but so anxious to get through the first 12 weeks safely and dreading a repeat of my previous miscarriage. I am desperate to fully immerse myself in all things pregnancy, but daren’t get too involved in case it all goes wrong.

The early symptoms this week have also proved challenging at times. I am not sleeping beyond 2-4am each day, which is leaving me tired at work. I have indigestion permanently, and have been grappling with extreme food aversion and nausea.

Eating is proving difficult, I am hungry much of the time but am struggling to find any food I want to eat, and portion size is seriously reduced to that of my 4 year old child, because anymore renders me over full and nauseous.

By the weekend I am feeling a little better and whilst I still have a very limited taste for food, I am feeling less nauseous, and am eating good size dinners.

This in itself activates my paranoia as I seize upon it as a potential sign of the pregnancy going wrong.

Other symptoms…. Nothing too obvious. I have a very bloated tummy. I guess this might be water retention or gas!

I have had no real pain in “that region”. Occasionally the odd twinge or sharp but light stabbing, but they are infrequent and not concerning. If anything, I worry all is too quiet in there, but I know I’ll never be satisfied.

Week 5

Monday: Urgh. Wake up at 4am feeling distinctly sick, but tired. Decide to try to get another couple of hours sleeping bolt upright.

I manage to sleep until nearly 7am, at which point my husband wakes me in a start to remind me that I have to go into the office… Pronto. I feel really sick and can’t bring myself to move for fear of vomiting, but I force myself up and into the bathroom. After a visit to the loo, my tummy feels calmer and I feel less nauseous so I throw my clothes on and leave.

In the car on the way to work I feel rough. I am singing to stay awake, but begin to gag whenever I raise my voice too high. The only answer is to force myself to sing quietly, no fair!

Once in the office, I feel less sick but have no appetite. My lovely hubby has given me a goody bag containing melon, some crisps, and a tiny petit filous yoghurt. Aware that I have a meeting right through lunch and will be starving by the time it finishes, I start on the yoghurt at 10am. It takes me 45 minutes to eat it. Every mouthful makes me wretch. My work colleagues think I am mad so I make some excuse about trying to be healthy but not liking yoghurt.

Then I move onto the melon. The first half goes down easily. Excellent, but by the second half I am flagging and my stomach is shutting down. I manage to finish it, but give up eating for now.

Before my meeting I decide I had better eat the crisps as I am getting hungrier by the minute. I shovel them down, and whilst they taste odd, the saltiness is satisfying.

The rest of the week follows a similar pattern. Sometimes nauseous, sometimes not, but always off food, whilst still hungry.

Eating little and often seems the only way, as getting too hungry worsens the nausea but eating a full meal makes me feel really ill.

I think the hormones may be playing havoc with my reflux.

Other symptoms this week…. a groin pain in my right side which moves to my left side the next day. At first I worried about the possibility of an ectopic, since I know the risks are higher with ivf, but once the pain moved to the other side and gave me dead leg, I realised it is more likely my uterus stretching.

Spotty/itchy skin- I hope it’s the hormones, because my skin is an itchy lumpy mess.

I visit the doctors on Friday to review my medication, and he seems flustered. I’m not sure he deals with many pregnancies. He agrees to swap my current Omeprazole prescription for Ranitidine, but keeps trying to increase the dose. I don’t want the maximum dose! He also takes my weight and comments that I am heavier than last time at a whopping 53kg -cheek! Blood pressure is checked (apparently better than last time, which actually just means not stupidly low) and a referral made to the antenatal care team. Uh oh… this feels so early. I’ll be glad to get a date for my 12 week scan through but visiting the midwife feels jinxed. The last time I was pregnant my husband had to ring her to cancel my appointment because I miscarried a few days before it was due.

Week 6 – been a stressful week so far, been really busy at work but am also fretting about my symptoms and am terrified that something will go wrong before my scan on Monday next week.

The hormones and stress are making me emotional and on the verge of tears most of the time.

Apart from being a sniffling lunatic, other symptoms seem a little different from last week. Food aversions no longer as strong, food doesn’t repel me like before, but I can fancy something one minute and then go off it before it even enters my mouth. My nausea seems almost motion related now. Queasiness gets worse when in the car or walking around. However, the waves of nausea don’t seem quite as bad as before.

In its place are sore boobs. Not excruciating, but sensitive nonetheless.

One thing that remains constant is a strong sense of smell. Today I cooked/burnt some cheese on toast and the grill had just the tiniest smear of fat from last nights sausages on it. The smell of it alone was enough to turn my stomach.

7/12/13 symptoms have gradually faded these past few days. My sickness has faded, now I just don’t really want to eat at all, but I’m starting to think that my decision to stop the reflux meds during this period may have caused this. My stomach has shut down. So finally, after 3 days, I have given up and taken some Ranitidine. I almost immediately become hungry, but don’t feel sick with the hunger. I only want some melon, but feel sick as soon as I eat it. My mind is in riddles attempting to identify whether this feeling is a result of my reflux or the pregnancy. I am full of so much self doubt I am driving myself insane. Get a grip woman and relax!

But my overwhelming sensation right now is terror. I just don’t feel that pregnant and with my scan only two days away I have virtually lost all hope of seeing a healthy 7 week baby in there. I am now convinced that with such a lack of symptoms my baby hasn’t made it. The thought is crushing.

8/12/13 awake feeling pretty normal except from zero appetite. Am now positively panicking about tomorrow. Am snappy as hell and just want to sleep the day away, but I have a friend’s birthday tea this afternoon, so I need to get present wrapping and summon a good mood from somewhere.

At lunch I am ravenous but only crave a banana milkshake and chips, so I send the hubby out on his errands.

When he brings the requested food back I nibble at it like a hamster with toothache, but instead of drawing comfort from the lack of appetite, I can’t help but blame my new reflux meds. My body is probably still adjusting.

Later that afternoon I drove to the afternoon tea party and did my best to act normal despite being unable to eat any of the sandwiches and most of the cakes.. I made do with a scone and lemonade. I enjoyed the distraction, but 10 minutes before leaving I came over incredibly nauseous with backache and a headache. I made a quick exit for the toilet which got rid of the backache, but I felt awful. My neck was stiff, my head thumping and the nausea overwhelming. I returned to the table trying to look normal and was grateful when everyone began putting their coats on to leave.

I got in the car and have no idea how I made it home. I almost stopped twice on the motorway to be sick but somehow managed to breathe through the nausea.

The rest of the evening I spent curled on the sofa desperate to sleep the headache away. Feeling just as I would before my time of the month, I quietly quietly waited for the onset of a miscarriage, but it never came.

MAD Blog Awards


9 Responses to “My IVF diary 3: 4-6 weeks pregnant”

  1. @katgrant30 March 7, 2014 at 4:01 pm #

    Aw, hope the early pregnancy symptoms calm down for you soon and you can start to really enjoy it! Best of luck.

  2. Kim Carberry March 7, 2014 at 8:16 pm #

    I’m loving reading these series of posts…..

  3. PODcast (@The_Doves) March 8, 2014 at 11:32 pm #

    What a beautiful post Nicola, so sorry to be behind! I’m keeping everything crossed for you and hope you’re feeling better soon. Exciting times xxx

  4. Victoria Welton (@VicWelton) March 8, 2014 at 11:56 pm #

    Maybe I shouldn’t say this but I long to feel this way. Hope you are past the worst of it now lovely. Thank you for sharing with PoCoLo x

    • ferreroroche123 March 9, 2014 at 9:05 am #

      I know Hun. This has been a very trying pregnancy in many ways, but I am still grateful for every day it lasts.

  5. babylotusblog March 10, 2014 at 7:52 am #

    Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.
    I don’t know if it will help you but things that helped my morning sickness- salty popcorn, grapes, sparkling mineral water. I constantly needed to snack and found the popcorn and grapes helped as they aren’t a strong flavour but I was able to graze on them all day. I would take a bag everywhere with me. And the sparkling mineral helped because of the fizziness. For some reason it would make me burp which would help that indigestion feeling.
    I hope the morning sickness passes soon 🙂

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