My IVF Diary 3 – 2 week wait

19 Feb

11/11/13 – Progesterone

Have been busy all weekend, which has made the time fly. But like an idiot, every place we went, I was shuffling at a snails pace, terrified I might disturb my embryos from where they are nestling. I know I am being ridiculous, when on earth would a normal woman unknowingly carrying a fertilised egg behave in such a limited manner? And yet plenty of their embryos stay in the right spot and present themselves as perfectly healthy babies 9 months later.

Yes I am being stupid. But I do know these bad boys are in there, and by god they’ve taken some effort to get there, so for my own sanity, I want to feel I have given them the best chance.

This morning though I am super aware. I am on implantation watch. I know that a blastocyst hatches around about day 6 and starts to implant somewhere around day 7, which is today.

And the last time I had a blastocyst put back on day 5, I felt some tiny but significant shooting sensations on the right side of my womb on this day, and 3 weeks later, I saw my pregnancy on the ultrasound screen in that exact place.

During my failed cycle I felt nothing.

So today I am praying for even the tiniest sign of activity to reassure me.

Do I feel anything? Yes/no? I have no idea, I am concentrating so hard I think I might actually start imagining all sorts of twinges.

On a positive note, one thing I can definitely feel less of is the back pain. Saturdays brutal embryo transfer, coupled with a weekend of walking/shuffling seems to have dislodged whatever was causing the agony.

I promise to instead focus on work and try to pass the time as quickly as possible by throwing myself into all things professional.

12/11/13 – Progesterone

In the office today for a meeting with the big wigs. A day of hustle and bustle should help the time to pass.

Traffic is a total nightmare, not a good start.

But at 09.30am my mobile rings. I can see the number for the clinic flash up. Surprised, but assuming it to be a courtesy call, all part of the service at this swanky new private establishment, I pick up.

The woman asks me to confirm my date of birth (strange protocol just to ask me how I am), which immediately sparks all manner of nightmare scenarios running through my head …

“What if the embryos didn’t go in after all?”

“What if they put the wrong ones back?”.

Thankfully the reality is somewhat better. The woman says “hello Mrs Roche, we just wanted you to know that yesterday we froze one of your embryos as it formed a blastocyst in the laboratory. It is of reduced quality so we aren’t certain it will survive the thawing process, but we decided to give it a go”.

I am shocked. I’ve never had a frostie before. Not even at day 3, yet alone a blastocyst!

The rest of the day was not a good one, but I remain chuffed at this new achievement.

14/11/13 – Progesterone.

Ok, 6 days until test date now and my mind is beginning to spin.

All waking moments are consumed with thoughts of what is going on. Today my nerves are heightened because I am aware that every single previous cycle I had had some sort of bleed before test day. On my two successful cycles I spotted from 5 days before test day for 2-3 days. On my unsuccessful cycle, I had a bright red bleed (the kind I usually get a day or two before my period) about 4 days before test day. So I am now acutely aware that within the next day or two I may get a clear sign of the likely result.

I spend the whole of Thursday in the office in meetings. A relief really as I can’t take much more of this obsessive wondering today.

15/11/13 – Progesterone

Working from home today. Probably for the best if I start spotting or bleeding. Wouldn’t handle it well in the office. I do my best to busy myself with work. Lots of stuff to finish, plenty to keep me occupied, but by god, my nerves are so rampant my heart is palpitating and I can barely stay out of the toilet with an excitable bladder, scrutinising the tissue for any signs of spotting at every visit.

All these nerves are making me hungry. I make myself a hearty lunch, but then feel sick afterwards. It’s not helping. Within an hour I am hungry again so I spend the afternoon snacking on junk.

Aside from the spotting I am looking for any other signs of life inside. I have none, except for a pretty constant twinging on my left side. It is annoying, but I can’t work out whether it is my ovary, my bowel or somewhere else. The worrier in me is thinking of my tubes… What if it is ectopic? But I know I’m being ridiculous, so I mentally slap myself and do my best to ignore it.

16/11/13 – Progesterone

4 days until test day. There was no spotting yesterday. Shit shit shit. Am I going to get a bleed today? I wake up at 4am, my heart racing. I am a mess. I rush to the toilet, but there is no sign of anything. Oh. Well this is new. Now I have no idea what to expect.

I begin searching for other signs, but all I can feel are my ovaries twinging every now and then.

Fortunately it is the weekend. I have a full hair revamp this afternoon. That will distract me for a few hours.

I am starving again, but leave half my breakfast. I don’t fancy it anymore. The nerves are making me feel nauseous.

17/11/13 – Progesterone

3 days to test day.

Woke at 4am again. Indigestion raging and desperate for the loo. Still no sign of any bleed. I literally don’t know what this means, but put it down to the progesterone. It can do funny things.

I climb back into bed but can’t sleep at all. By 8am I’m starving and really want a bacon sandwich. I send hubby to the shops to fetch me one.

Again, I can only manage half. A bit early for a whole one I guess.

Decide to be useful and embark on a Christmas shopping excursion to the shopping centre. Last all of 90 minutes but feel like I’m dragging two dead legs around, I think my ovaries may be resting on a nerve somewhere. So I give up and return home.

18/11/13 – Progesterone

2 days to test. Awful night. Awoke at 2am with indigestion and have tossed and turned ever since.

Finally get out of bed at 7.30am feeling relatively normal, but upon visiting the loo notice a tiny amount of spotting. So tiny I’m not even sure it is spotting at all, I am literally squinting to see.

However, tiny or not, it immediately puts me on edge, and brings on a panick that my period will begin any moment.

I try to tell myself that it isn’t over, but really my mind is in chaos.

I get dressed and drop my son to school, but on the way home there is no denying I feel terrible. I am so hungry I feel sick. This happened the last time I was pregnant, but I tell myself that it is probably just a side effect of the progesterone and return home to eat. There’s not much in the house so I settle on an apple. God knows why, I hate apples. Mid morning I am getting hungry again so plump for some chocolate just to get me through until lunch. I eat a couple of pieces but by the third I am feeling sick again and struggle even to put the chocolate in my mouth.

By lunchtime I am ravenous and cook a hearty bowl of spaghetti bolognese. My favourite. I eat about half of it, but feel decidedly queezy afterwards.

I daren’t raise my hope that these are all signs of a positive result, but I wish they were because these side effects suck.

The rest of the day is relentless, with work hitting me at a rapid pace, so time passed quickly.

I barely had time to visit the loo, but when I did there was no evidence of any spotting.

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4 Responses to “My IVF Diary 3 – 2 week wait”

  1. cherise February 20, 2014 at 3:51 pm #

    Omg im on edge so intense waiting for the next entry lol hurrryyyyy i need to know.

  2. Izzie Anderton February 21, 2014 at 5:25 pm #

    Wishing you all the luck in the world x

  3. Victoria Welton (@VicWelton) February 25, 2014 at 2:37 pm #

    I love knowing what is coming next…I think! Another great read from you gorgeous 🙂 Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

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