Boy’s Got ‘Tude

20 Nov

Well it’s been a while since I’ve done a ranty mummy post on this blog.

Indeed one positive thing to come from my head bangingly frustrating fertility treatment this year has been just an overwhelming appreciation and love for my son. I’ve marvelled at how he has coped with starting school, revelled in every inch of progress he has made with reading and writing and cooed at his enthusiasm during swimming classes.

But right now my rose tinted glasses are starting to fade. In fact they may just be turning a mildly disgusted colour.

What colour is that even?

And why? I’ll tell you why.

Because right now he’s a “challenge”. I love him, I do, but mainly when he’s asleep. Why only asleep? Because about 90% of his waking hours at home he shouts and screams and hits and throws until sometimes his temper is darn right out of control.

I don’t believe he does this at school, and I know he doesn’t do it at his childminders, but from the very moment he enters my car the ‘tude possess him, and the huffing and shouting and sulking begins.

I feel like I am living with some sort of hormone riddled teenager with a major chip on his shoulder. Probably answers to the name Kevin. Only his name is Oscar, he is 4 and he won’t make it to teenagehood alive if he keeps this performance up much longer.

Take last night as an example. I collected him from childminders after an apparently raucous afternoon playing with the older girls. He came steaming outside and seemed pleased to see me. I asked him if he could get his bags to take home and he ignored me. I asked again and he continued to ignore me, choosing instead to march down the drive towards the road. When his childminder asked him to get his bags he turned and screamed at her. Then, when I asked him to come away from the road, he again turned and screamed at me that he COULDN’T SEE THE CAR. When I asked him to stop shouting, he screamed some more until he was red in the face, and he must have been really red for me to notice it in the dark.

The screaming continued for about 2 minutes until I gave up and collected the bags myself, his childminder remarking that she had never heard him like this during his time at her house.

When I got him into the car I told him not to shout at me and to speak to me nicely. He screamed “no!” at me, huffed and puffed and kicked the chair before remaining silent all the way home in a sulk. When we got home, I asked him to sit on the naughty step for 4 minutes to think about how to talk nicely which provoked another tantrum of ear shattering proportions until he fell asleep on the step. I lifted him off the step and into bed at the impressive time of 6.30pm. So not one pleasant word spoken that evening.

Now skip forward to tonight. After a reasonably behaved day in which daddy played with him, bought him Lego, and took him to grandmas whilst I was out having my hair tended to, things took a sudden nosedive.

Playing with his new Lego, which daddy had finished assembling just 3 seconds earlier, Oscar became irate that a particular piece was seemingly stuck inside another and immediately began to lose control.

He came towards me already welling up, with the offending piece in his hand and whined something about it being  STUPID and STUCK. I asked him to stop whining and explain how I could help, and this seemed to provoke a full scale meltdown.

First crying.

Then throwing the remaining Lego across the room.

Then, when we asked him to sit on the naughty step for throwing, the wailing and shouting began.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhHHHHH!!!!

It continued for some time, until the screaming included a reference to needing a wee. I told him to go upstairs to the toilet but he wanted daddy with him. I refused (the boy is perfectly capable of toileting alone, and any request for daddy is only ever a cry for attention).

Eventually, when the urge was too great, he went to the toilet alone, but demonstrated his disapproval by unravelling the entire toilet roll all over the bathroom. Nice touch.

He then returned to the naughty step and stepped up the wailing to be heard over the tv, before calming down and joining us again.

Excellent. Fireworks over.

NOT.

When he returned, he noticed that daddy had tidied his Lego away ready for bed. (Since the tantrum had killed close to 30 mins, it was now well past bedtime). He asked where it was and daddy explained that it had gone night night as it was now very late.

Cue next screaming tantrum, which was so loud and high pitched my ears may have actually bled, I could bear no more and sent him to bed. We were then treated to the contents of his bedroom flying down the stairs, slamming of gates and doors along with now hysterical cries that he wanted his teddy to cuddle. (How about not throwing it down the stairs then?).

Eventually, in fear he would hurt himself, I went into his room, sat and held him until he had calmed, then put him to bed and explained that shouting and screaming and throwing makes mummy sad and cross, and that because he had been naughty he would have to sleep without his teddy as punishment.

He sobbed, but now defeated, gave in and fell asleep.

Were this an isolated incident I would put it down to experience. But the attitude and shouting has occurred every night in the past week.

The ‘tude is ever present.

Now being the doubtful, guilt ridden mum that I am, and knowing he saves these rather unlovable traits specifically for our delectation, I have begun to question what this is all about.

Is it a phase? (Please tell me it’s a phase!) Do most 4 year olds don the ‘tude with their parents until it is gently encouraged/kicked/throttled out of them?

Is it school? Is he so tired from full time education that he descends into a hysterical blathering, dribbling wreck when back home?

Is it something we have done? Is he angry with us? Have we unintentionally taught him to respond angrily to every hurdle?

Or is he sad/worried about something and is demonstrating it through short temper and bad behaviour?

I am hoping, nay praying this is just another phase. Or maybe just tiredness as school ramps up. I hope it’s not our fault.

After our late night talk, he is better this morning. He is actively trying to be nice and watch his temper, but I can’t help but think it won’t last long, and I’m not sure my eardrums will take much more abuse.

Time to buy some earplugs…….

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5 Responses to “Boy’s Got ‘Tude”

  1. learnermother November 20, 2013 at 10:36 pm #

    My four year old is the same at the moment – seems to have regressed to the terrible twos, and EVERYTHING is a battle. No help to you, I know, except to tell you that you’re not alone!

    • ferreroroche123 November 21, 2013 at 4:58 am #

      Oh yay! (I mean booooo for you). It is a help to me just to know that perhaps it is yet another phase.

  2. Kay C November 20, 2013 at 11:24 pm #

    same here, you are not alone! sometimes upon getting in the car when I asked ‘had a good day?’ I got JUST … DRIVE ..’ (er ..JUST get out and walk??) snarled at me, the Angel at school became Devil once he got in the car, was mainly tiredness, saw a bit of it at start of secondary too when stuff was tiring. Everything is a phase, just keep muttering ‘this too shall pass’ and it really will. Hugs and sympthy!

    • ferreroroche123 November 21, 2013 at 5:00 am #

      JUST DRIVE? Lol. I would have said your response “JUST WALK” out loud. Thanks for the reassurance.

  3. Verily Victoria Vocalises November 24, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

    This post had me nodding all the way through – I remember all of this very well indeed! Don’t really get temper tantrums anymore, just sulking now! Thanks for linking to PoCoLo x

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