Why Boys Rock – an ode to William and Kate

24 Jul

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When I was first impregnated with Oscar, I instinctively knew it was a boy, and I was pretty happy about that. Why wouldn’t I be? I was pregnant for the first time with a much wanted baby, it could have been boy, girl, hermaphrodite and I would have been overjoyed.

But then as the 20 week scan neared, people started telling me that I was carrying a girl (as people tend to do). I ran a poll in the office and the majority of my friends felt I was having a girl, certain family members wanted a girl, and before I knew it, I started to convince myself that a girl was my destiny.

So when the ultrasound revealed a definite boy, with a definite meat and two veg between his thighs, I was momentarily disappointed.

But then I remembered I was expecting a boy all along, started calling him by his name and snapped right out of it.

21 weeks later, my boy was born and he was a bundle of gorgeousness, but as you’ll know if you’ve read this, he wasn’t exactly a cooperative little soul.

From birth he was a feisty fella, cuddling and cooing was out. Wriggling, jiggling and wailing was in. Affection was for the weak, and he was made of stronger stuff.

Then when he hit toddlerhood he was angry, attention-seeking, argumentative and darn right unpleasant.

He was a biter, a fighter and a little blighter!

He got expelled from nursery and I started to think that boys were horrid, beastly little tikes and that I’d made a huge mistake.

Then to really rub it in, my friends all started popping out girls, one after another…. out they came. I can count 8 in a row. I s*** you not. And those girls were all so lovely. So quiet and thoughtful, mature and sweet. I’m not afraid to say I felt more than just a tinge of the green eyed monster. I felt wronged. It was a conspiracy and I wanted everyone to suffer with a devil boy the way I had.

While their perfect girls were outside making daisy chains, Oscar was outside throwing stones at the cat.

While their girls sported painted nails, Oscar’s nails were black from digging dog feaces out of the border with his hands.

While their girls were sitting quietly at the table eating carrots and peas with knife and fork, Oscar would be found snorting spaghetti hoops through a straw whilst standing on his head.

While their girls were picking handbags, Oscar was picking his nose (like 100 times a day).

While their girls would show me their princess dolls, Oscar would show them his willy, then shake it about abit and threaten to wee on them.

You get my drift?

I wanted their kids. And I wanted them to have mine.

But you know what? I’m over it now. Girls ain’t so perfect, and actually boys can be pretty darn cool.

So what they’re often loud and boisterous and they won’t take me shoe shopping? So what they’re physical and grubby and lazy?

I haven’t told you about all the good stuff:

1. They eventually LOVE their mums
2. They give the best cuddles and kisses ever
3. They aren’t afraid of spiders or snails or any other bug that scares me witless
4. They are LOUD and boisterous and silly – and that can be pretty fun!
5. They aren’t embarrassed or hung up about pooing and peeing on the potty, the toilet or any other place you care to choose…. In fact they’re pretty keen to show their MASSIVE specimen to anyone that will look without retching.
6. They aren’t bitchy. (God I hate bitchiness) If they don’t like you, they’ll ignore you or thump you. At least you know where you stand.
7. They don’t sulk for long, that would require too much patience.
8. They aren’t devious – if they are angry with you, your punishment will be immediate and obvious. A whack round the hip, a shoe thrown at your head, a screaming tantrum. They are unlikely to plot their revenge for days/weeks. You are unlikely to find your favourite lipstick smeared across your cupboards, or your favourite knickers fed to the dog.
9. You will not go bankrupt filling their wardrobe. Only so many t-shirts and jeans you can buy.
10. They LOVE their mums – worth mentioning again I think.

And besides, if it’s good enough for royalty, it’s good enough for me.

So congratulations Kate and Wills. Boys are the best.

Now bloggers/friends. Tell me what makes your boys so cool.

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