My IVF Diary – The end?

11 Jul

5/5/13: So here I am, nearly 14 weeks after my diary began.

I’ve had injections in my arms, my legs and my arse. I’ve had more tablets in my mouth and my butt than I can even recall. I’ve had two surgical procedures under anaesthetic and more people up my lady garden than hot dinners.

I’ve experienced unparalleled emotional extremes. Hope, fear, frustration, confusion, elation, desolation, anger, despair, denial, intense vulnerability and love.

And yet I have nothing to show for it but an empty bank account and an empty uterus. And somewhere, in the back of my mind, a dream that at one point I had the privilege to carry a baby for 7.5 weeks. I must have, I have the photos to prove it.

But somehow, with my body almost returned to it’s ordinary state, and life with my beautiful boy and husband like old times, it sometimes seems as if those 3 months never happened, and perhaps I made the whole thing up.

But on November 5th, when my Hope should have been born, I’ll remember I didn’t. I’ll remember all I went through to spend those few unforgettable weeks with my precious little miracle. And I’ll ache to see, hold and touch my angel that was so very nearly a part of our life.

And as the tears fall for the umpteenth time this year, I ask:

“Would I do it all again?”

You bet your life I would.

And if it ever works, I’m going to marry my husband, my rock, my soulmate all over again, with my family complete, to show the world I know I’m the luckiest woman alive.

Thanks for reading, and best of luck to everyone embarking on their own IVF journey.

In memory of my Hope.

Never to be forgotten.

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One Response to “My IVF Diary – The end?”

  1. Aly July 11, 2013 at 7:45 pm #

    Hugs and love to you my friend x
    P.s. can I be your bridesmaid? :-))

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