A retrospective diary of my fertility treatment and the time when I was pregnant.
8 weeks pregnant: the last week has been up and down. I have tried to remain largely positive, but just occasionally the doubt set in. I am also really fed up of dressing in leggings and track suit bottoms, but am too scared to buy any new clothes in case I jinx everything.
Friday, I took Oscar to quite possibly the coldest birthday party ever. Seriously, it’s late March, must we endure yet more snow and sub zero temperatures? However, more surprising than the weather was the sight of my neighbour brandishing a baby bump which has appeared out of nowhere. I tried to be tactful, but am not sure if I hid my shock very well… “You’re pregnant aren’t you?…. That IS a bump isn’t it?”. Turns out it is a 20 week bump. Jeeeez, what is it with all these summer babies? Seems like the whole world is 20 weeks right now. I tried to be happy, but secretly thought “I wish I could announce my pregnancy and be happy about it right now”.
That evening I met up with the girls from work again for a house warming. Two of them are due in July and were excitedly comparing notes. I arrived and the host immediately said “I have an announcement”. I thought, “please don’t tell me you’re pregnant as well?” ….. “I’m engaged!” oh thank god for that. The evening passed in a flurry of celebration and I was desperate to share my news to join in, but no. I will have my time.
The weekend passed uneventfully, and by Monday I was taking a well earned holiday from work. 4 days off, largely to myself. Heaven.
Symptoms this past week have been minimal. Mainly just super hungry all the time. But by Tuesday (8 weeks exactly), the hunger induced shaking and nausea subtley crept in and visits to the loo becoming more frequent. However, I daren’t read into these signs as indications of the pregnancy progressing for fear of getting my hopes up. Perhaps I’m just imagining them?
27/3/13: Finally, the day of my third scan has arrived. And whilst I’ve tried to keep it at the back of my mind for the past week, today the nerves are choking me. Waves of nausea are engulfing me, and I feel like I might just collapse in a heap at any moment. Hubby has taken the day off work and is also riddled with nerves. I can tell as he’s gone all quiet and withdrawn . On the way to the hospital, hubby confesses to being more nervous than he has ever been and feeling like he might throw up at any moment. We are at a precipice, waiting to jump. Will we fly or crash to the ground?
The consultant beckons us in and asks how I’m feeling. “Sick” I say. “What with nerves?” she replies. “Hard to tell”. “Well let’s get on with it shall we?….. Until we see what’s going on we’ll just worry about it”.
Oh god. Even she sounds nervous.
“So, as per last time, I’m going to have a good look around before I show you the screen. She begins the scan, confirms that the sac looks a bit bigger ….. Yeah, yeah….. Then I caught a glimpse of just the sac out of the corner of my eye…. Oh god! Where is the baby?…. “and you’ve got a lovely little heartbeat ticking away”. Yeah and…..
Then I saw it.
Unmistakeable. A big blob in the middle of the sac shaped like a kidney bean with heartbeat flickering. She smiled and turned the screen towards us.
“And the yolk sac is much clearer than last week and there is a baby. I’m just going to take some measurements”
Turns out that bean has trebled in size in the past week, and has come on leaps and bounds. No wonder I was hungry.
“Well I think we are happy now that this pregnancy is progressing. We know as much as we can know at this stage that everything that should be there is. The rest is up to nature. ”
So at last we are discharged from the ivf unit and join the rest of the regular pregnant population awaiting a 12 week scan. 4 weeks to go.
Come on bean, hang on in there.
And now I have a picture of my bean. After 3 ultrasounds, there is finally a baby big enough to see. It’s there. It’s not a joke, I do have a baby in my belly.