Retrospective diary of infertility treatment and the time when I was pregnant.
4 weeks pregnant: the last week has largely crawled by in a haze of fatigue and paranoia. One minute I’m feeling really different, hungry, thirsty, devoid of all energy and the next minute I’m feeling largely normal and fretting that nothing is actually going on in there.
Nervous but excited to see ultrasound in 2 weeks.
5 weeks pregnant: well this week started totally differently. Last night I was feeling tired but normal, today it’s been Armageddon. I woke up at 3.45am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Felt ok on the way to work, just thirsty.
Arrived feeling hungry for a fried breakfast, so had me a yummy sausage sandwich and mushrooms and immediately felt sick. Went back up to the office vowing to take reflux meds to reduce the nausea. Didn’t work. Spent the next hour in a meeting feeling green and crampy. Came out of the meeting downing water. Next minute I ran to the loo and experienced a truly frightening level of diarrhoea. Worried my progesterone has come out too soon.
Spent lunchtime feeling queasy, appetite gone, then all afternoon running to the toilet for a pee and feeling green. I got travel sick on the way home, and felt really shaky and hungry. Popped in the house for an ice lolly (my new favourite snack) on the way to fetch Oscar and as usual was busting for another pee. Hubby arrived home early and immediately confined me to the sofa with feet up while he put dinner on. Such a good man.
I hope today is an indication that the pregnancy is developing ok and not a result of a dodgy sausage this morning.
6 weeks pregnant: last week I have been having all sorts of random symptoms, but the main ones to persist were increased appetite and food aversions. Literally thought I would pass out at times because I hadn’t eaten for a whole hour. Right off fruit and craving takeaways. Not really very healthy, but I’m going with it.
14/3/13 went for our first early scan. Was really looking forward to it, as it’s all seemed abit unreal until now, but sadly was not quite the reassurance I’d hoped for. The sonographer was a very quiet man and spent 10 mins just trying to set the computer up. Eventually when he did start he was silently fishing around for ages. I couldn’t see what was on the screen so had to ask my husband whether there was anything there. Ben gave me the thumbs up, but when the doc eventually did speak, he said he could see only a gestational sac but no yolk sac or embryo. He said it is possibly just too early in the pregnancy and to come back in a weeks time for a more conclusive answer of whether the foetus is present.
Ben and I left shell shocked and traumatised. When pregnant with Oscar, we could see him at 6 weeks – albeit he was no more than a pin head. I emailed my consultant who said not to lose hope, and that sometimes it’s not possible to see anything at 6 weeks. She also offered to rescan me personally next week to give me an answer.
So now……we wait. Not knowing whether there is a baby in there silently growing, or whether this whole story has ended in disaster. Praying the bean is in there somewhere, as the prospect of going through ivf again is unbearable right now.