IVF Diary Part 5 – The 2 week wait

16 May

Part 5 of my retrospective diary of fertility treatment.

Day 18: Doxycycline and progesterone.

Heard back from the embryologist this morning regarding the progress of my other embryos on day 6. Apparently, two more have become blastocysts but both are insufficient quality for freezing. So I will have no frosties. I’m abit disappointed as it means the one inside me has to take or I have to go back to the drawing board and start this whole difficult process again. It’s shit or bust time. Please God let this one be a keeper.

Day 19: Doxycycline and progesterone.

It’s the last day of the doxycycline antibiotics today. I’m so relieved. After the projectile vomiting incident a few days back I’ve been pretty on edge every time I’ve taken one. Plus it means I only have 3 different drugs to remember to take at the right time from now on. Other than that, I’m feeling a little downbeat today. Maybe it’s the frosties news yesterday or maybe it’s the lack of any information or feeling I can draw upon to keep me positive. I just don’t feel like luck is on my side right now, and I’m already thinking about how awful it’s going to be starting all over again.

Day 21: Progesterone.

It’s been a couple of days since I last wrote, and now i am writing from my bed. Yesterday I went into the office for some more hustle and bustle to keep the mind busy. And it was good to have some company. But my mind wasn’t in it. My mind was absent…. Thoughts aimlessly wandering, focussing more on the odd sharp twinge coming from my abdomen. I had a few meetings, but was distracted by the fact that I just couldn’t get comfortable in my chair, and when I walked one of my legs was dead.

By late afternoon the discomfort was obvious and someone at work commented on it. I made some excuse about sleeping funny. I could hardly tell them my ovaries were killing me and probably pressing on my leg somewhere which was causing the limp.

By evening I could think of nothing but lying down and stretching out to ease the discomfort. To add to that, I’ve had to start a different pregnancy compatible reflux drug which is giving me stomach cramps and diarrhoea, so I’m feeling pretty rough.

Today has been more of the same. Tummy was so bloated and uncomfortable by afternoon that I left work early to go to bed. And here I am. Hurry up next Thursday.

Day 22: Progesterone.

Today was all about a big presentation at work. I spent the morning prepping and rehearsing until I took the floor at 1.30pm. I made it through in one piece with a tough crowd and was feeling happy and relieved that afternoon. Sadly, for every high there must be a low, and during a quick trip to the loo that evening, I noticed some slight spotting which disturbed me. Now, this did happen in my last ivf cycle, and I immediately declared it over, only to find out I was pregnant 5 days later, so I’m not throwing the towel in just yet. But, it isn’t what I wanted to see, and I’m now just waiting for it to get worse.

Day 24: Progesterone.

Well this has been the worst weekend in a while. As expected, the spotting got a bit heavier on Saturday morning. We were meeting up with a friend at a soft play centre in Farnborough so the kiddies could run riot and we could catch up, but I was totally distracted by the potential disaster looming and could barely utter a word.

By lunchtime, I had completely mentally shut down and just wanted to be at home in bed. That evening, the spotting got even worse and I was just consumed by fear that the whole thing was over. My other half was due to work on Sunday while I had Oscar, but right then and there, I wanted to curl up into a ball, lay on the sofa and not move until it was over one way or the other. Dear hubby phoned his mum, who promptly demanded I stay on the sofa and offered to have Oscar all day on Sunday.

And here I have been ever since. Sitting in silence, occasionally sobbing, alone on the sofa waiting for Aunt Flow to arrive, or for the spotting to stop. I have work tomorrow, but honestly, I can’t function until I know the outcome. I’m on tenterhooks, the world has stopped. Nothing matters until I know the fate of my baby.

Day 25: Progesterone.

Well I was feeling pretty miserable when I woke up, but decided to log on, even if only to tell my boss I wanted the day off. Of course once I logged on I realised how much work I had to do, another presentation to plan and loads of people to chase, so before I knew it, the morning was done.

Fortunately, by late afternoon the spotting was starting to ease off a little. I daren’t get my hopes up, but I’m praying it won’t start again. Another issue that is troubling me is my other end. All these suppositories are irritating my bowels somewhat. Problem is, you’ve got to keep the buggers in to absorb the progesterone. I’ve been trying to empty my bowels before using the suppositories, but it’s not working. As soon as the little bullets are up there I need to go again. I’ve tried to hold on, but today I was going green with the stomach cramps, so gave in. I then rather embarrassingly emailed the consultant to find out how soon after it was ok to go. She must think I am a total nut job, but you lose all sense of shame or dignity during this sorry process. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do or ask at this point if it would deliver the right outcome.

Day 27: Progesterone.

Test day tomorrow.

Today I woke up feeling mighty sick and urgently needing to poo/pee. My mouth was also really dry. Went to the loo for another number two, which improved my stomach, and decided I should take my reflux meds immediately to reduce the nausea. Brushed my teeth and almost gagged.

Left for work and drank almost an entire bottle of water on the way there, but was still burping and feeling nauseous when I arrived an hour later. Despite this, I felt a real urge to eat marmite on toast. Bit weird as I haven’t fancied that in over a year. I rushed to the canteen and they’d run out. I couldn’t face jam, so ended up with plain toast and a hash brown. My mouth was still really dry all morning. Drank several cups of water but didn’t help. As a consequence, spent much of the morning on the loo needing to pee. Fortunately, the spotting stopped on Monday, so I am no longer panicking every time I go to the loo.

The day passed by in a haze of meetings and phone calls. By evening I was pretty excited but starting to get really nervous about testing tomorrow morning. The constant thirst and peeing remained and I was so hungry at dinner I ate double my normal portion.

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