Lady Luck

14 May

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This year hasn’t been a lucky year for me. In many ways. I should have twigged that being 2013 this wasn’t going to be a good one and stayed in bed. But I didn’t see it coming.

I think it’s fair to say that I’m a natural pessimist at heart because I’ve never had luck on my side. I graft away, expecting the worst, but silently hoping that if I persevere things might turn out for the best.

But this year has been dire even by my standards.

It started at Christmas, well Christmas Eve to be precise. The boy seemed a little warm and off his food before bedtime. Nay matter, we’ll quickly write that note to Santa, pack him off for an early night and he’ll be better in the morning.

Or not.

Christmas day he awoke with the beginnings of a terrible flu bug, which left him tired, cranky and unable to eat. Present opening and turkey roast were interspersed with panicked visits to a&e and gps, as his fever repeatedly hit 41 degrees Celsius for a full week, and his limbs intermittently turned blue.

As Christmas passed and the new year lurked just around the corner, the little fella’s fever subsided and mine grew. And grew. And grew.

New year was welcomed begrudgingly by me with the worst flu I have experienced in no less than 10 years. And instead of starting 2013 as I should have been, with ivf injections and the promise of a baby, I spent it laid up in bed for a whole fortnight, while the injections remained in the fridge.

By late January I was recovered and focussed on my next ivf start date, but as luck (or sods law) would have it, fever number 2 arrived just the day before treatment began. Refusing to postpone, I started my ivf cycle with a nasty but thankfully short lived virus that made the first few days of the cycle anxious and miserable.

The rest of my ivf diary is well documented, with much of it already published on this blog and the rest to follow, so I won’t go into detail here, but I will summarise by saying it was fraught with problems which did not occur the first time, and eventually ended in miscarriage.

My physical recovery was not smooth and took longer than anticipated. There were numerous visits to hospital with pain and complications, and the bleeding only stopped after further intervention from a private consultant.

Then just as I thought the worst was behind me, the final blow was dealt. Literally.

CRASH!

A car crash to be exact. As I sat stationary in heavy traffic, minding my own business, a learner driver mistook accelerator for brake, and ploughed into the back of me at what felt like warp speed.

My car was battered, and I suffered concussion and whiplash. I had two stays in the hospital I vowed never to see again and am still living with the after effects now.

So yeah, it’s not been a fortunate start.

Am I angry? Gutted? Frustrated? Feeling victimised?

Yes, I am all of those things.

Am I beaten?

No.

Because I’m a stubborn cow. The more fate tries to push me down, the more determined I am to fight back, even if just out of sheer bloody mindedness.

But I feel like maybe I need a little fortune on my side right now. Perhaps lady luck will hear my plea, but I’m not convinced. I think she’s busy helping someone else win the lottery right now.

That’s where you guys come in.

Since I revealed my miscarriage, I have seen the absolute best of some people. True friends have rallied round me when I gave nothing back, other friends and bloggers generously confided in me about their own struggles with infertility and loss to let me know I wasn’t alone. Some people, who couldn’t find any words, just “liked” my posts to let me know they cared. I know who you are. All of you. And I thank you so much for every word and gesture. You didn’t have to.

But now I need just one last favour.

Find me some goddam luck. Cross your fingers, your toes, your legs. Pray to god. Hit the like button or write a comment. I don’t care how you do it. Just help me find my winning streak.

Because if I’m to get through this with any sense of fight or humour left in tact, I need the second half of 2013 to be better than the first. Actually, I need it to be positively brilliant.

So please guys. Send me your vibes in any way you can and help me turn this mother f***er around!

And maybe, just maybe I can return the favour one day.

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2 Responses to “Lady Luck”

  1. Kay C May 14, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

    *sends you hugs and lots of luck* Ive decided Im starting to buy a lottery ticket every couple of weeks from now on, Im sticking your birthday in as one of the numbers so you never know! right!? Jeez, sorry about the car accident, thats just what you bloody needed – am sending you all the lucky vibes I can find xxxxx

    • ferreroroche123 May 14, 2013 at 6:22 pm #

      Thanks, a share of your lottery winnings will help 😉

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