10 reasons why I look forward to work on a Monday

27 Jan

Our weekends with the boy are usually pretty hard work. But sometimes, one really stands out from the rest for all the wrong reasons. You know…… it really just stinks.

This has been one of them.

It’s fair to say that at 3 and a half, Oscar is going through a particularly mischievious/ defiant/ rude/ totally deaf phase. I’ve shouted, growled, snarled  and grimmaced the last two days away just hoping to make it to the end with one ounce of my sanity in tact.

Here are 10 little snapshots of why I can’t wait to go back to adultland tomorrow:

1. Abandoned trip – Start the weekend with an early swim session at the local leisure centre in mind to distract the boy before he can even think of trouble….. spend 15 mins driving around gridlocked car park before declaring the exercise futile and heading off to M&S for a spot of food shopping. Explain to devil child that there are no spaces right now so we’ll just pop down the road for a few minutes where he can choose some nice new apples to join the 30 others that are sitting in my fruit bowl from our previous shopping trips, then we’ll come straight back and find a space so we can go swimming. Cue first major tantrum. After 10 minutes of wailing, I’m feeling inclined to join him.

2. Forgetful man – Return from M&S half an hour later to find almost empty car park at the swimming baths. Hoorah! Now we’re cooking. Make our way towards the entrance at which point narky husband announces he’s forgotton the swimming trunks. Great. Just great. Wisely he makes a sharp exit back home to collect the offending items, leaving me in the car park with now thoroughly pissed off child throwing second strop.

3. Wet through – Eventually make it through leisure centre turnstile at which point the boy announces he needs a wee. Fine. Until he’s mid flow and says “hmmmmmm mummy, this wee wee is tickling me”. Eh? WTF? Oh balls….. it tickles because his willy is facing his belly button and he’s pissing all over his new jumper and down his thigh. Oscar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After a quick strip, daddy returns sheepish, and into the pool we go.

4. Just Noooooooo! – All going relatively smoothly (note the word relative), so I set off for a quick lap of the kiddie pool on my own while daddy supervises the boy. Just relaxing at the whirlpool when image of child running along the pool side flashes before my eyes. Look over to see my boy reaching for the big red button on the wall marked “PRESS HERE FOR EMERGENCY DISTRESS ALARM”. Daddy, standing some way away clocks it 2 seconds later and penny as well as jaw drops.

5. Ungrateful swine – Leave pool, late for lunch, tummies rumbling. Suggest to Oscar that we eat lunch at the extortionate leisure centre cafe as they do a lovely chicken nuggets and chips. Part with small fortune for this culinary feast. When it arrives, unappreciative little tike refuses point blank to eat any of it because it’s not “Macdonald’s enough”. Preferring instead to steal daddy’s chips because they apparently taste so much better than his own.

6. Husband MIA – Rest of day passes in blurry haze of tantrums, mischief and sarcasm. By evening am feeling distinctly tense and as husband makes one mistake too many, quietly suggest he goes out for the evening while I calm down to save almighty row. Husband takes me a tad too literally, and disappears out the door without a single word before you can so much as say “marriage crisis”. I try to play it cool for a few hours, but by 10pm I’m hungry and curious so grasp for the phone. No answer (ooh he’s playing hard to get). Eventually after much texting, locate sulky husband in the aisles of Toys R Us searcing for new Dr Browns baby bottles to replace Oscar’s overused leaky embarrassments. Only my man could be useful in a huff.

7. Put it away! – Determined that Sunday will be better, we plan early trip to Next to buy the boy some new trousers (I know I’ve slacked a bit on his wardrobe recently, but I draw the line at trousers so ripped and threadbare social services would want a word). After an uneventful breakfast eating session, begin military operation “Dress Wriggle Boy”. Am feeling jubilant when he accepts proposal to wear new Fireman Sam pants (see Pants Appeal), but no so jubilant when he spends the next 5 minutes pulling his winky out the left leg of those underpants so he can fiddle with it later (suspect this is how jumper soaking incident may have occurred yesterday).

8. Not now – Make it to Next and as well as a couple of passable pairs of trousers, end up buying a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms I really don’t like, and a lunch bag we really don’t need, because I can’t be bothered to argue with my son who is now clutching them to his chest as if his life depends on it.

9. You didn’t learn that from me – Making it out of Next in one piece, stumble into sports shop to buy new pair of trainers for his little lordship. On hearing that they don’t make his trainers of choice in his size, demonic boy hocks a loogie at me to show his disapproval. You know what I mean? Where you proper summon your spit up in the back of your throat to shoot a giant flob bullet at your chosen victim? If I find the kid that taught my son this, I will give him nightmares until he is 21.

10. Shut that door! – It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m alone with the boy after hubby has scarpered to his friends to tinker with cars. Head for the soft play centre to pass the time. Nothing can go wrong there right? That place is made for unruly kids. Wrong. Upon arrival head to the toilet for a wee with my little monkey in tow. As I start to relieve myself of my full bladder, Oscar decides it’s the perfect time to exit the cubicle. He promptly reaches for the door to show a washroom full of spectators his mother with her pants round her ankles.

I’ll leave you to fill in the rest…….

Well, thank god that’s all over.

So to leave you on a lighter, more positive note, and to proove that even the worst weekends can be salvaged, I shall end with a picture of the beautiful boat we created as a family this evening. I knew those wallpaper samples would come in handy one day. 😉



8 Responses to “10 reasons why I look forward to work on a Monday”

  1. Middle-aged Matron January 29, 2013 at 10:30 am #

    I’m afraid I have always loved Mondays from the minute I first left my 6-month-old at nursery and scooted off to peace and quiet. Ten years on, I still find absence makes the heart grow fonder etc. (Saw your comment on Spencer’s blog and thought I’d pop by. It’s lonely being a newbie.)

    • ferreroroche123 January 29, 2013 at 10:43 am #

      Thank you so much for your comment. Being a newbie is daunting, and I bow to you established blogging pros. Thanks also for the reinforcement on the motherhood front, it’s great to know I’m not alone.

  2. Doodlemum January 29, 2013 at 10:30 am #

    Ooops sounds like a fun weekend….hope the next one is calmer for you!!! Good luck with your blog. A x

    • ferreroroche123 January 29, 2013 at 10:45 am #

      Thanks so much doodlemum for reading my post. Keep on doodling, and I’ll keep soldiering.

  3. cynt5525 January 29, 2013 at 12:42 pm #

    I like your blog !!! Its a nice place for mothers to tell their stories of motherhood… come visit my blog!! http://cynthiajacksonblog.wordpress.com Your comment will be greatly appreciated 🙂 *Cynthia

    • ferreroroche123 January 29, 2013 at 1:29 pm #

      Thanks Cynthia, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I do indeed want other mothers to hopefully relate to some of my stories and have a laugh along with me. I’ll be sure to drop by your and take a look. 🙂

      • cynt5525 January 29, 2013 at 1:42 pm #

        Thank you !!!! *Cynthia

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